Of Stillness and Bravery
by Star5674
Summary: AU -- Haley comes back from the tour to a very different Tree Hill and a very different Nathan.
1. Chapter 1

**Definitely AU – Suspend belief on this one; Haley didn't come back from the tour until after the start of senior year on the show. Cooper and Rachel were never involved.**

I get there as quickly as possible to grab a seat in the back of the auditorium. I know from this side that he won't see me and I don't want him to…

"This exceptional individual who stands before you all is a true hometown hero. His heroic effort to save the lives of his uncle and two others really prove his integrity and honor. So, it is my honor and my privilege to present the Tree Hill Award of Valor to my son, Nathan Scott," Dan Scott says with the grin of a true politician.

Nathan takes his place on the stage and forces a smile for the crowd. He politely shakes hands with his father, Dan Scott, the Mayor of Tree Hill.

The reason for the award stems from an incident that happened before I came back –

Nathan's Uncle Cooper had been out with Nathan and a few others when he had crashed his car into a river on the outskirts of town. Nathan had been following the group in a separate car and had witnessed the crash. Cooper and the two others in the car had been unconscious upon impact and Nathan had immediately dived into the dark waters of the river to help them to safety. His efforts proved successful: Nathan Scot had single-handedly saved the lives of three people that night…at least that's the way I had heard the story…

Nathan stood, posing for a few pictures before quickly walking off the stage to take his seat for the rest of the assembly to commence. My teeth clench tightly as my eyes follow him back to his place in the auditorium. I know I shouldn't even go there but I guess I am a glutton for punishment – I'm witness to a sight I have to come to terms with. My ex-husband takes a seat beside the new woman in his life, Rachel Gatina.

Please review!! I'm trying to set up the story :)


	2. Chapter 2

I slip out of the auditorium quickly and can hear someone coming up behind me. I quicken my steps but they have caught up to me…

"Hey, Hales, Hales!" Lucas grabs my shoulder to stop me.

I swipe my hand across my cheeks so that he doesn't see the tears that have fallen as I turn around.

"You alright?" he asks me.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine," I force a smile as fake as the one Nathan had up on stage.

Lucas purses his lips together in thought. He knows me too well. He knows when I'm lying.

"No, Hales, you're not."

"Well, it doesn't really matter…I have to be," I explain weakly.

"I know it's not easy for you – to come back here and see how everything has changed," Lucas replies.

"Well, I left this place behind…places change, people change…I would have been naïve to think otherwise," I respond to him.

"I know this thing with Nathan and Rachel—" he begins.

"—is none of my business," I cut him off, not wanting to hear more.

I had already heard the story: Rachel had been one of the people in Cooper's car that night. Cooper had been tired of seeing Nathan moping around over the annulment, so he had arranged for his "flavor of the week" Jennifer to bring a friend along for a double date with Nathan and Cooper. The 'friend' turned out to be THHS transfer student and Maxim's "Hometown Hottie," Rachel Gatina. The two girls had done some modeling together and had become instant friends.

I never got the details on why Nathan was alone in his car and the women were with Cooper but that's how the accident happened…Nathan and Rachel had bonded over the experience and suddenly had become Tree Hill's newest couple.

"Maybe you should talk to him—" Lucas spoke carefully.

"Talk to him and say what, Luke? What is there left to say?" I ask him sullenly.

The annulment papers had spoken louder than any words could.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm really worried about her," Lucas stated, putting his lunch tray down on the table and sitting next to Peyton Sawyer.

Peyton only looked at him, silently taking a bite of her apple and waiting for him to continue.

"She's been back for a few weeks and people are treating her like she has the plague," Lucas said.

"People in general or just Nathan?" Peyton asked.

"From what I can tell, both—I don't think he's even spoken to her since she got back," Lucas said.

"Can you really blame him?" Peyton couldn't keep the bitter tone out of her voice.

Lucas just looked at her.

"I mean, I can't stand it -- people vanish and then come back and expect to be instantly forgiven…that's just not realistic. Haley abandoned Nathan, Lucas. What did she expect him to do, greet her with open arms?"

"I don't know, maybe. After all, they were married…" Lucas trailed off.

"Yes, they were married…'were' being the operative word in that sentence," Peyton replied.

Lucas shook his head. Bringing those annulment papers back from New York had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do. He was still haunted by the expression on Nathan's face when he found them in Lucas' backpack.

FLASHBACK

Nathan had gripped the manila envelope, rushing past Lucas and down the stairs.

"Nate, Nate, let's talk about this!" Lucas had called, rushing after him.

"There's nothing to say, Lucas. You're a liar and a fraud…that needs no explanation," Nathan ground out bitterly.

"You have to understand—" Lucas started to explain but Nathan whirled around and interjected.

"—I don't want to hear anything you have to say…not now, not ever. I'm done," Nathan said hotly. "As far as I'm concerned, Haley is dead to me…and so are you."


	4. Chapter 4

Nathan was standing in the driveway, shooting free throws. Now that he was living back at home, he had been able to quit his job and was able to devote more time to the quickly approaching basketball season.

"Ready for Masonboro?" a voice called from the yard.

Nathan rolled his eyes, never turning his head away from the basket. "I think the real question is, are you ready?"

Lucas shrugged, "I'd say so."

Nathan turned to look at him, "I wouldn't…talk is cheap if you can't knock down those shots."

"I've been practicing," Lucas said with a faint smile.

"We'll see," Nathan said snidely, returning his stance to the basket.

"So, have you talked to Haley?" Lucas asked.

Nathan shook his head, cutting his eyes to Lucas, "you got some nerve man," he snapped. "You --coming here, to my house and asking about _her_. She put you up to this?"

Lucas sighed, "no man, she didn't…it was just a question."

"Well, the answer is no. I haven't…and I don't plan to," Nathan said.

"Ok," Lucas simply responded. "How are things with Rachel?"

Nathan's anger was out in full force now – he threw the basketball as hard as he could into the yard past Lucas. Lucas jumped aside to prevent being hit.

"What the hell is this? Do you not get it? I don't want to talk to you…about anything. All I need for you to do is get out on that court in the first game and not completely suck. That doesn't require any talking about Haley or Rachel or anyone else…so just stop acting like you're my friend."

"I am your friend," Lucas said.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, you're not," Nathan said.

"I just don't get what I did that was so wrong…it's been four months, Nate," Lucas said referring to his New York visit with Haley.

"You were lying to me – about digging up dirt on Dan and about going to see Haley…I have enough of that in my life," Nathan replied.


	5. Chapter 5

"Why did you do that?" Haley asked, putting her head in her hands. Lucas had told Haley about his earlier visit to Nathan's.

Lucas just looked at the ground. "I was trying to help."

"There's nothing to save, Luke. It's over," Haley replied. "As hard as that is for me to come to terms with, I have to let him go…I have to…so thanks, but no thanks."

Lucas shook his head. "Can I ask you something?"

Haley nodded silently.

"Why did you sign those annulment papers?" Lucas asked.

Haley sighed, taking a moment to speak carefully. "I signed the papers because it was clearly what he wanted…I knew that I made a mistake and I knew that I wanted him but above all else, I just wanted him to be happy. I walked away from him for the tour – he couldn't forgive me or maybe he just didn't want to…either way, he was ready to move on and clearly to do that, he needed to end our marriage. Why else would he have initiated those papers?"

Lucas was silent, not knowing how to respond.

"It's time for me to move on, Lucas. I need to let him go because he's already let me go," Haley said quietly.

Nathan lie back on his bed, throwing his basketball up in the air. He closed eyes, trying as hard as he could to rid his thoughts of _her_. It was absolute torture to see her in the hallways at school. The very minute he had seen her again for the first time in months, he literally thought he was going to pass out. He felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach and knocked the air from his body…he hadn't even known if she would be in school or even come back to Tree Hill at all, so her sudden appearance had been a shock to say the least.

Haley had always had a profound effect on him --her absence had almost ruined him and now her presence haunted him. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't escape her. If he was telling the truth, she had never been far from his mind, even after he filed for the annulment….

Dan had presented the papers to Nathan and had persuaded him to proceed with the annulment, convincing him that Haley was only a toxic element deeply in need of elimination from his life. Nathan had been so lost in his own grief and bitterness to think otherwise, so he had blindly followed his father's lead.

After he had found the signed papers in Lucas' backpack, Nathan had proceeded to the nearest corner bar with his fake ID in hand. Deb and Dan had received a phone call from the Tree Hill police late that night to pick up their intoxicated son. They found him unconscious and lying on a wooden table at the Riverfront docks, clutching a colorful plastic Cracker Jack bracelet.

Now, looking back, he realized that neither he nor Haley had tried very hard to fight for each other. In his mind, it had been a sign they just weren't meant to be but even that very thought had sickened him.

From the very moment, he had proposed, he had not been able to imagine his life without her…and now he had to come to terms with the fact that he needed to move on…just as she had done…otherwise, she wouldn't have agreed to the annulment.

That's why he had agreed to the double date with Rachel, Cooper and Jennifer in the first place. He knew that he had to find another way to deal with his loss – he needed to feel wanted again…but most of all, he needed to get her out of his mind because he couldn't be broken again.


	6. Chapter 6

Some text loosely based on episodes in Season Three – credit to the OTH writers! I own nothing!

Brooke angrily slammed the door and threw herself down on the couch beside me.

"Something wrong dear?" I smirked, putting down her textbook and taking off her reading glasses.

"Yes, roomie, something is very wrong. This is our Senior year, our SENIOR year! Finally!! I'm the Captain of the Ravens and this is supposed to be my year!! I'm the chief, the commander, the one to follow, the –"

"Brooke, what happened?" I urged her to just get to the point.

"I just never expected that after all of my cheer camps, practices and years of experience suddenly I have some ho-bag trying to take over my squad—" Brooke blurted out in frustration and then suddenly felt worse for talking about it with me.

I could sense Brooke's hesitation. "Brooke, it's okay…you can talk about Rachel."

Brooke smirked, "See, all I said was 'ho-bag' and you immediately knew who I was referring to!"

It was no secret that Rachel Gatina was the newest recruit to the squad, if only by default. Brooke had disliked her on-sight but Peyton had convinced her to give Rachel a fair chance. A fair chance that had promptly back-fired.

I couldn't help but laugh –

"I feel bad though…sorry, Hales. Here I am bitching because the girl is trying to win over my squad…when she's already –"

"—won over my husband?" I finished for her.

Brooke sighed, "yeah…but he's not actually your husband anymore…"

I shook my head. "I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."

Brooke leaned over and put her arm around my shoulders, "I know buddy."

Then, suddenly Brooke sat up on the couch with a grin.

I looked at her confused, "wow, do you really shift moods that fast?"

"Yes, when I've struck idea greatness!" Brooke smiled. "I got it, I think I can help both of us out with one quick solution."

"..and what would that be?" Haley asked.

"You are the next Ravens cheerleader!" Brooke exclaimed. "Don't you love it?"

I just stared at her, "No, Brooke…that's actually a terrible idea. That's beyond terrible."

Brooke's face fell. "Why? Think back to how much you helped us out last year at the Classic? I mean sure, you're clumsy and you can lack coordination at times too—"

"—Wow, is that your way of buttering me up?" I said wryly.

"No, seriously, think about it – it's genius. You join the squad, allowing for a lot of time to wear short skirts and spandex around Nathan…plus you could be with him at pep rallies and away games and I could use you as our ninth girl and kick the red-head "skank-ho" to the curb!"

"Brooke, you were right before. Nathan is not my husband anymore- it's over. So, why would I go torture myself by repeatedly putting myself in his path to get rejected?"

"Tutor girl, don't be 'downer girl.' Accentuate the positives here – you would be getting face time with Nathan and knocking your competition out of the way in one clean sweep! What more could you ask for? Just do what you want for once…"

"I'll do what I want – the answer is still no," I said.

"Okay, why don't you just do what I want for once?" Brooke asked with hope.

I shook my head.

"I'm just trying to help…because at this point, you need all the help you can get," Brooke said before softening her tone. "I guess the truth is, I'm just not ready to give up on Naley and something tells me neither are you."

I pursed my lips, looking at Brooke with concentration.

"I'll think about it," was all I said after a moment.

I was rushing down the corridor, trying to avoid a tardy in her Biology class. It had been hard enough to catch up after missing the first weeks of senior year, without adding more absences or tardies to my list. I had managed to convince Principal Turner to admit her back in THHS due to my excellent GPA and track record with the faculty.

Rushing to put her keys in her backpack and zipping the compartment, I hadn't been watching where I was going until I ran smack into someone. They were considerably taller than me and had a chest that was hard as steel. I closed my eyes, knowing immediately who it was before even looking up. That familiar smell of after-shave, I would know that scent anywhere.

I looked up into the surprised eyes of my ex-husband.

"Nathan, I'm sorry, I guess I just wasn't watching where I was going…" I dumbly explain.

He's silent for a second, not sure what to say or even whether to speak at all…there's so much distance between us now.

"No, it's fine," he finally says, his manner is nonchalant but his glare tells a different story. I look away saddened. The beautiful cerulean eyes that used to express Nathan's love for me had now turned cold in my presence.

I only nod.

"Well, I guess I should go," he says, gripping his own backpack and making a move to step around me, trying to settle his gaze out over the courtyard.

"Okay…"

He walks away and it hits me that this is the first time he and I have even spoken since I came back. We had successfully managed to avoid each other for the past couple of weeks since I came back to school but I knew it had only been a matter of time.

I walk away completely deflated and continue on to class. I think about how coldly he reacted to me and it furthers my irritation. Irritation that quickly turns to anger. I know I have made mistakes but to be treated as though I didn't exist, as though as our marriage had never happened... that's the sick irony of annulments I suppose.

That's how I knew that it couildn't end like this - it just couldn't be left unresolved like this.

Yes, the paperwork has been filed but the emotions were still there and this marriage was far from over...for either of us. I hadn't known for sure until he had been standing before me, but the look on his face was not one of indifference. As long as he still held emotions for me, I saw a chance. It may sound silly but it was my only thread of hope to hang on to...the day Nathan Scott would regard me with no emotion is the day I would truly give up because indifference is the true opposite of love.

I pull out my phone to text Brooke on my way to class. I had my answer for her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews guys! The category wasn't 'Angst' for nothing ;) But, it will make the NH reunion that much sweeter, I promise!**

In the busy gymnasium, practice was in full swing. The boys were practicing free throws and the cheerleaders were on the side, discussing their dance routine.

'Where is she?' Brooke thought to herself, taking sidelong glances toward the door.

As if on cue, I emerged through the double doors, my gym bag thrown over my shoulder.

Nathan stopped in his tracks when he saw me. He'd been getting ready to make a free throw when he spotted me meekly making my entrance. The two of us made silent eye contact and I could tell that Nathan was completely dumbfounded as to why I was here.

At that moment, Lucas made his way over to me.

"Hales, what's up? What are you doing here?" Lucas asked, jogging over to her.

"I'm here for practice," I said, spotting Brooke on the other side of the gym.

Lucas only shook his head in confusion. "So, you're a cheerleader now?"

I looked at him and smiled, "Yeah, why not, you know? Brooke needed my help so here I am."

Lucas smiled and patted my shoulder, "That's cool, buddy. I'm glad."

"Alright ladies, the girly talk is over now so Lucas if you're finished with your makeover, maybe you want to join us back over here for practice," Whitey called across from the gym.

Nathan smirked but his eyes never left my interaction with Lucas. At that time, I hadn't realized it, but his actions weren't lost on Rachel either.

She stood in her place with the girls, continuing to watch Nathan watching me.

Lucas rolled his eyes and grinned. "I'll catch up with you later, Hales."

Lucas jogged back over to the sidelines while Nathan was getting his bottle of water.

"What is she, a cheerleader now?" Nathan asked.

Lucas continued stretching, rolling his eyes. "What's it to you?" He'd been stretched to his limits; he was done with being nice to Nathan.

Nathan shook his head, "whatever," before walking back out on the court.

I made my way over to the group of cheerleaders. Brooke grinned as she saw me.

"Hi Hales," Bevin smiled to which I returned her greeting.

"So, most of you know that Haley did an awesome job with us last season at the Classic, so she's going to be a permanent part of the squad this year," Brooke explained to the group.

"That's awesome!" Bevin said and Dani nodded in agreement.

"There's just one thing…" Brooke said, her gaze falling on Rachel.

"The routine calls for nine girls and now we have ten, so I'm sorry…Rachel, you're out."

Rachel's jaw dropped, "What, are you serious?"

"Brooke, I'm sure we can re-work the routine to keep both of them," Bevin tried to reason.

"Nope, sorry. It's finely tuned for nine girls, no exceptions."

I cringed and Peyton rolled her eyes. Bevin and the other girls looked unhappy, they had really bonded with Rachel.

I quickly realized that this was the last situation I needed to be in – I had enough people against me.

I shook my head, "Brooke…maybe I should just go –"

"—No, stop right there, Tutor Girl," Brooke said, then turning to Rachel. "Sorry, better luck next time."

The truth was, I wanted to be there but not at the expense of someone else…not even the current girlfriend of my ex-husband.

This current debacle had resulted in raised voices that had the basketball team now looking on the scene.

Rachel stepped over to Brooke, "Brooke, we can surely come to an agreement here where all of us can be on the squad…In fact, I've got the perfect plan for it."

"Yes, I'm sure you're full of all sorts of plans, Rachel…they just don't include this squad anymore," Brooke said, her tone even. "Maybe the debate team could use a new member."

Rachel narrowed her eyes and took another step toward Brooke.

"Ladies, I don't need any catfights on my watch!" Whitey called. He looked over to his team, still watching the scene unfold.

"…and the show is over fellas…get back to work!"

Peyton just shook her head at the scene. She had been one of the ones to freeze me out just like Nathan had. I didn't get it but after several attempts to be her friend again, I had finally given up trying to understand.

My friendship had clearly reached the same impasse with Peyton that Nathan's had with Lucas…and it was all because of me. That wasn't something that set right with me so the last thing I wanted to do was create more friction among even more people.

"This was a bad idea," I said, grabbing my gym bag and heading across the gym.

Brooke ran after me, "Wait, Haley, wait! Don't go!"

We ended up stopping in front of where the team was working.

"Brooke, I don't need this right now, okay? Just keep Rachel on the squad," I said.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Nathan had heard me. He had snapped back in my direction upon hearing my statement.

"Hales…I want you on the squad, please!" Brooke said pleadingly.

"I just don't want to be here to give you reason to get rid of her…she got her spot on the squad fairly, who am I to take that away from her?"

Brooke was quiet for a second before sighing heavily, "technically you wouldn't be taking it away from her…I would be—"

"--You know what I mean…I don't like doing that to someone, it's not right…and I don't want to be any part of it."

Brooke shook her head, sighing heavily. She was silent for a moment before taking a step back toward the girls. "Fine, we'll re-work the routine for ten."

Rachel and Brooke barely spoke through practice which was probably better than voicing their thoughts. If looks could kill, they both would have been dead by the end of practice.

After practice, the girls were gathering up their bags as the guys were emerging from the locker room.

I was walking toward the gym door, telling Brooke that I would see her back at the apartment when Nathan came out of the locker room door nearby. He and I briefly made eye contact and as I made the move to walk away, he called after me.

"Haley, wait a second."

I stopped, utterly shocked. I turned back around as he jogged over to me.

"I saw what went down earlier, with Brooke and Rachel."

I only nodded silently.

"That was pretty decent, what you did – standing up to Brooke to keep Rachel on the squad."

"It was the right thing to do," I simply replied.

Nathan silently nodded and just stared at me, his expression softening by the minute until he almost resembled the way he used to look at me. If I wasn't careful, I could get lost in those eyes again as I had done so many times before.

Somehow, in that moment it seemed like he was thinking the same thing.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go," I said after a moment, knowing I needed to get away before I acted on my thoughts to throw my arms around him and show him how much I had missed him.

"Okay," Nathan replied and gave me the smallest of smiles and for the first time since I had come back, there didn't seem to be the level of awkward tension like before.

I began to walk away, getting lost in my thoughts. In the space of an afternoon, I had gone from joining the squad so I could be closer to Nathan, to defending his girlfriend and rallying to keep her on the squad.

I almost laughed at the irony…almost.


	8. Chapter 8

"I just can't believe Brooke. I mean what a bitch! Trying to kick me off the squad so her precious Haley can join!" Rachel said angrily, getting into Nathan's old Honda as Nathan got in the driver's seat.

Nathan nodded, starting the engine. "Brooke is just…Brooke."

"Yes and she's a bitch!" Rachel vented. "Excuse me if we don't all bow out gracefully for the rock star who decided to grace us with her presence!"

Nathan just looked at her, not sure how to respond. He didn't want to fight about this with Rachel.

"Well, all that matters is that you're still on the squad, right?" he asked, trying to calm her down.

"Yeah, I guess…"

Rachel was quiet for a moment, watching Nathan drive. They had only been dating for three months and she was still trying to figure him out.

Nathan had all but refused to talk about the Haley situation. What little she knew, she had learned from Jennifer and Cooper. She knew that Nathan had been very bitter and had wanted to take things slowly when they began dating... but she had honestly hoped their relationship would have progressed more by now, even physically. All he had done was kiss her – he hadn't even tried for more. That was something Rachel was _**definitely**_not used to --

Nathan pulled up to Rachel's driveway. She leaned in to give him a kiss. "Do you want to come in?"

"Thanks, but I'm kind of fried from practice," Nathan said.

She gave him another kiss before grabbing her bag from the backseat.

"Call me," she said with a smile.

Nathan only nodded, giving a half smile before watching her safely into her house.

His thoughts then drifted to Haley. Haley, his ex-wife, was now a cheerleader. Nathan never saw that one coming, not in a million years.

He knew that he would be forced to see Haley on a regular basis now.

As hard as he tried to fight it, the thought gave him that spark of anticipation; he hadn't felt it in a while but it resonated such intense familiarity. It was the way he had felt when looking forward to their tutoring sessions when he began having feelings for her.

Haley James had that effect on him, she always had and he knew that she always would. That effect was starting to weaken his resolve he could feel it. He was still angry, yes, and he was still bitter…but little by little, it was yielding to a force stronger and much more intense…


	9. Chapter 9

"I still can't believe you turned on me like that," Brooke huffed, sitting at the counter opening mail while I was making macaroni and cheese.

"Brooke, I wasn't trying to turn on you…I just couldn't stand there and be the reason Rachel got kicked off the squad."

"You came there knowing it was going to happen," Brooke reasoned.

"I guess, it sounded better in theory," I replied. "…I don't want to be some pathetic girl who can't move on; always trying to get Nathan's attention again…"

"Oh girl, you have his attention already," Brooke smirked, opening another envelope.

A surge of energy struck my heart upon hearing that.

"Why do you say that?" I asked calmly, stirring the pasta and cheese.

Brooke rolled her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "he couldn't take his eyes off you today."

"He was probably trying not to keel over from shock," I said wryly.

Brooke laughed, good-naturedly.

"Let's face it, I'm not the cheerleader type…I'm a tutor…I'm a nerd," I said.

"You're a rock star," Brooke said in her defense.

I shook my head, "not anymore."

There was a knock at the door at that moment.

Brooke jumped up to answer the door, greeting Lucas with a kiss.

"Hey Pretty girl, hey Hales, heard this place was open all night," Lucas said, stepping over to the kitchen island.

"Hey, you heard right. Want some mac and cheese?" I asked, holding out a spoonful.

Lucas nodded, "now how would I guess that Haley would be making mac and cheese?"

"Maybe because she makes it everyday…I feel sorry for your future kids, hope they like mac and cheese or they may starve," Brooke said as Haley swatted her arm.

"I make it every _other_ day, thank you," I winked and smirked.

The three of us ate dinner around the kitchen island, discussing the events at practice.

"So, Luke, was Nathan totally freaking out that Hales is a cheerleader?" Brooke grinned.

Lucas shook his head, "I don't know really. I kind of gave up on Nathan."

I nodded silently. I hated that there was such distance between the two brothers again. They had come such a long way to have it all disintegrate.

"Luke, I'm sorry about your relationship with him and how it's turned out," I said.

"Hales, it's not your fault. He makes his own decisions…Nathan's a big boy," Lucas said.

"I'll bet, size fourteen," Brooke winked at me. I threw a dishtowel at Brooke, feeling my cheeks redden immediately.

"I may barf," Lucas said, making a disgusted face.

Lucas hung out with Brooke and me a bit longer and then decided to call it a night.

"I thought _non-exclusive_ was supposed to be more 'scandalous' than this," Brooke said, lying back against the couch cushions.

I laughed, sitting in the armchair. "Why don't you two just get together already, for real? This _non-exclusive_ stuff is silly considering neither of you are even trying to date anyone else…"

"I want to keep my options open," Brooke stated but I only smirked. I didn't buy it.

I knew that Brooke was afraid of being hurt again but I had a good sense that this time, things could be different for Brooke and Lucas.

~~  
The next day at practice, I was sitting on the bleachers, getting my tennis shoes out of my bag when Nathan jogged over.

"Hey Haley," he said in a nice manner.

I looked up and smiled, "Hey Nathan."

I could tell he wanted to say something but he was hesitant. That was a side of Nathan Scott rarely seen by anyone.

"Listen, I was going through some boxes in the garage and I realized that I still had one of yours, ya know, from the old apartment."

I nodded, "you mean my current apartment?" I smirked.

"I thought I heard that," Nathan replied. "That explains how you and Brooke are so chummy now."

"Yeah, she really helped me out when I first got back…" I trailed off, realizing I didn't want or need to discuss the past further, especially with Nathan.

"Well, the thing is, it's a pretty big box, so I couldn't bring it with me to school…so if you want, I can drop it by the apartment," Nathan said.

I smile genuinely, "thank you, I would appreciate that."

"Tonight, alright?"

"Sure," I reply.

"Okay, I'll run home and get it after practice."

"Okay, thanks," I said with a smile.

Nathan nodded and jogged back over to start stretching.

Rachel walked over to the bleachers next to me.

"Hey Haley," she said with an even tone.

"Hi Rachel," I said, lacing up my sneakers.

"Listen, it was nice of you to help me out with Brooke…but don't do me any favors. I can take care of myself," Rachel said, stretching on the gym floor beside where I was sitting.

I was caught off-guard by her statement; she seemed almost irritated.

"Okay," I said quietly.

Peyton walked up on the other side of the bleachers.

I smile, "hey girlie, so, are you talking to me yet?"

"No, but I guess you're talking to me," Peyton sighed, dropping her gym bag on the floor.

"I guess I just don't know what I did to you…I'm sorry if I lost touch…it was hard to keep up with people," I blurt out in frustration.

I couldn't see it, but Rachel was in front of me smirking on the floor.

"No, Haley, it wasn't me, I'm not that needy…I just don't like what you did…you left your husband without so much as a phone call and when you decide to come back, you expect us all to act like nothing ever happened."

"I don't _expect _anything from any of you," I said getting up from the bleachers. I stalk past Brooke as she's coming in.

"Hales, hurry back, we need to start," she calls to me.

As I'm out in the hallway, Brooke approaches Peyton.

Peyton sighs deeply and Rachel has a satisfied look on her face.

"What's up with you two?" Brooke asked, almost afraid to find out.

"Nothing, just another friendly run-in with your roomie," Peyton said sarcastically.

"Can the sarcasm, Goldilocks, I'm not in the mood," Brooke said. "What did you say to her? She looked pretty upset."

"She just said what we were all thinking," Rachel spoke up.

Brooke cut her eyes to Rachel.

"Please see your way out of this conversation, _Red_, before I see you out of it," Brooke said snidely before returning her attention back to Peyton

"I just told her that I don't like what she did," Peyton explained.

Brooke sighed and rolled her eyes, "Well she's back now, so maybe it's time to move past all of that…"

"Maybe it's not so easy for everyone to move on," Rachel said.

"It certainly seemed easy enough for your boyfriend…they have a term for that, I think it's called 'rebound,' Brooke said with a sharp tone.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at Brooke. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "I really don't want to have to pull that red hair out…we don't want a bald cheerleader on the squad, so I'm going to walk away right now. I'm going to find Haley. In the meantime, maybe you all can start warming up and make some productive use of your time."

Nathan's P.O.V.

I rushed home after practice, took a quick shower and changed into a polo shirt and khaki shorts.

I glanced again at the cardboard box on my bed. I hadn't been vindictive enough to throw all of Haley's things away when I moved out. So I had packed up the apartment, haphazardly throwing things in boxes, marking HJ in marker on the side for anything that needed to go into storage for Haley. Somehow, this box hadn't been marked and had missed the trip to the storage unit and instead was mixed in with my other things.

I opened the lid of the box, just as I had done the night before in the garage. I'd been out there looking for an old basketball when I had come across the unmarked box.

My breath caught in my chest as my hands once again skimmed over the contents of the box. The pale pink nightgown I had bought for her on our first date, the glass bottle of sand from our wedding day, souvenirs from our trip to Atlanta, it was all there. Many shared memories, but other belongings of hers as well. Haley's old sheet music was there, old tutoring notebooks and the few photos that had survived when I had broken and burned the wedding wall.

I took out one picture of the two of us, placing it on my nightstand before closing the box and grabbing my keys.

**Haley's P.O.V**.

There was a knock at the door and I quickly answered it.

Nathan wore a half-smile, holding the heavy awkward box.

"Hey, come on in," I said, opening the door to allow him inside.

Nathan carried the box over to the kitchen table, setting it down.

"This is pretty big, I knew it wouldn't fit in Brooke's car," Nathan explained.

"You figured right, she has that thing so piled with cheerleading stuff, she and I can barely fit," I laugh.

Nathan smiles. He had been trying to offer another explanation, any explanation as to why he had to come here to give her the box…other than the explanation that was true; he had just wanted to see her.

"Well, thanks again…" I said with a smile. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Uh, yeah, sure…thanks," Nathan responds and I'm pleasantly surprised. I had figured he would literally drop the box and run.

He steps around, looking at the living room, "it looks so different now."

"Yeah, that would be Brooke's creative design not my own," I laugh at some of the wall murals that seem mismatched but Brooke had insisted they were 'fashionable and trendy'.

Nathan can't help but grimace when he sees that his own personal wall mural had also remained. The picture of me from the reception, covered in pink paint, was now framed with a black border.

I too cringe when I realize it has his attention. I walk over handing him his drink.

He's thankful for the distraction and doesn't care to have to explain that further.

"Thanks for the drink."

"Sure, no problem."

We make a move to sit on the couch.

"So, how is life as a cheerleader?" Nathan asked.

"Different," I reply.

"Different good, different weird?" he asks and I'm struck by the familiarity of that question.

"I guess different good," I respond. "It gets me out more, ya know…and it means something to Brooke for whatever reason."

"Where is she anyway?" he asks.

"Out with Lucas on a 'non-date," I reply to which he looks confused. I only laugh, "don't ask."

"Yeah, that's still pretty funny that you all ended up roommates."

"Yeah, me and Brooke Davis…I never saw that one coming," I laugh. "…but I've really gotten to know her and she has this amazing heart."

Nathan nodded. He'd known Brooke since Kindergarten and they'd certainly had their up's and down's…but he knew I was right. When it came right down to it, Brooke was a good person.

"Lucas and I always made predictions before the first day of school, about the upcoming year, and I can honestly say, I couldn't have predicted this past year if I tried."

Nathan shook his head, taking a sip. "Yeah, it's definitely been a ride for all of us."

I am quiet suddenly. I go from laughing to feeling like I could cry – the familiarity of Nathan and I alone, in this apartment hits me head on emotionally. It sends my senses into overload. I'm overcome with memories of our time together. The things we said to each other, the moments we spent here reading, talking, watching movies and making love...all of our past hits me at that moment

He can sense it and he looks at me. His expression softens when he sees me bite my lip, a sure sign that I am about to cry.

"Haley, what's wrong?"

I just shake my head, remaining silent and afraid my voice will break if I try to speak. I can't let him see how this is affecting me. It seems like we're really making progress here…I can't shatter that by becoming weak to my old emotions.

Before I know it, he is enveloping me into his arms and I fully lose it. I'm crying into his shoulder as he strokes my hair.

"Shh, Hales, please, don't cry," Nathan says soothingly. I'm further struck by the fact that this is the first time in months he's used my nickname. He had always affectionately called me "Hales," and I hadn't heard him say it since before the annulment.

He's rubbing my back as I continue to whimper, trying to rein in my emotions. I smell his aftershave and it's intoxicating.

"I'm sorry Nathan…I'm so sorry for everything," I whisper, not even sure if he can hear me until I feel him nod against my head.

He pulls away to look at me and I'm dumbfounded to see that he has tears in his own eyes. I have never seen Nathan Scott cry; not during our tutoring sessions, while we were dating or even during our marriage.

I bite my lip again, "I've never seen you cry."

He sniffles a little, trying to will them away. "You would have seen a lot of it over the past few months, when you were gone."

I bury my head in his shoulder again, feeling a new wave of tears wash over me.

"I cried everyday for you," Nathan said quietly. "I hoped everyday for you to come back and I cried every night when you didn't."

I pull back to look into his eyes again. He looks down as brown meets blue and then his gaze shifts. I can see he is focused on my lips. My head is dizzy with emotion.

I know what's he going to do and I know that he shouldn't…I'm sure somewhere deep down he knows it too…at least not right now. I know things are complicated and this will only make it worse…but neither of us can help it – we're slaves to our own emotions, they've taken over.

Nathan leans forward and touches his lips to mine. He's tentative at first and then passion takes over. Our lips and tongues tangle together feverishly, each trying to reach more. It seems like we can't get enough of each other. Months of pent up aggression and passion are manifesting themselves in this kiss.

He pulls back after a second, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that."

I sigh, in a daze from his kiss. "…but I wanted you to."

He looks up at me again before reaching for me again. He pulls me into his lap and we continue to kiss. He's rubbing circles under my shirt along my bare back, his fingers searing my skin like fire with his touch.

I'm rubbing his arms, running my hands through his hair, just trying to get closer to him…as close as I can, terrified that any second the spell will be broken.

I feel him shift under me and I realize he's moving to get up, pulling me with him. He's holding me in his arms, kissing me as he walks through the living room and I can see he's headed down the hallway.

He makes his way to the bedroom door and looks at me with a silent question that he already knows the answer to.

He carries me through the threshold of the bedroom and locks the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

Nathan's P.O.V.

I lie awake next to her, holding Haley in my arms as she sleeps. She has the tiniest bed on the planet and the "two feet" of space in the bedroom that she was joking about. The bedroom looks completely different than before.

I know I should feel bad about this, but somehow I can't bring myself to. She's all I ever wanted and it felt so right. The circumstances are shitty and I know the timing isn't too well either…but I couldn't hold back. I wanted her too much.

I do feel like a bastard because of Rachel. She doesn't deserve this – I know that…right now, I'm no better than I was with Peyton and that makes me sick. If Haley were anyone else, this wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be a cheater. I had vowed to be a different person and never treat someone that way again and here I am, repeating past mistakes. I can't regret it though…something that right can't be a regret, it just can't.

I never feel more alive than I do with her – it's always been that way. She's part of my soul, the missing piece. That's why I felt so empty before.

I think back to that fateful night and the "double date" with Cooper, Jennifer and Rachel

FLASHBACK

_"She's smokin' hot right, Nate?" Cooper leaned over and flashed me a grin across the table._

_The ladies had gone to the restroom together (as they usually tend to do), leaving me with Cooper._

_"She's hot, yeah," I say with little enthusiasm._

_Cooper frowns, trying to poke fun at me, "did the wife take your gear with her? Does she have them in a jar?"_

_I shoot him an evil look. "Not funny Coop."_

_"Sorry Nate, I had to…c'mon… this slump you're in has got to go…I have delivered to you **a ready and willing hot female** and you act like you're awaiting execution."_

_I roll my eyes. Cooper is too damn dramatic._

_"I'm sorry, I just – I'm not ready…" I finally say._

_Cooper is silent for a minute and then nods. He understands, he's been where I am right now and it sucks._

_"Alright, I'm done pushing…but someday, you're going to have to get back out there…"_

_"Yeah fine whatever…it's only been 4 weeks."_

_Cooper looks shocked, "you've gone 4 weeks without sex?"_

_I sigh heavily, "actually since you're so big on the subject, I've gone 8 weeks without sex…the annulment went through 4 weeks ago."_

_Cooper's jaw dropped. "Wow…"_

_I shake my head, frustrated and exhausted. I'm exhausted with the whole thing…I want to move on but I can't…I'm stuck._

_"I just don't need to bring anyone else into this…I'm a mess Cooper," I say quietly._

_The women are approaching the table._

_"So, what do you say we all go back to Cooper's hotel?" Jennifer asks with a smile._

_Rachel smiles at Nathan._

_"Actually, Nate here isn't feeling too well, I think he's going to head back," Cooper says, putting a hand on my shoulder. I try to shoot him a grateful look but his eyes are trained on the women._

_I stand up and Rachel hugs me._

_"I hope you feel better," she says seductively in my ear._

_I pull away and force a smile, "thanks…it was great to meet you."_

_I follow the group out of the restaurant and to our respective cars. The summer evenings are longer so the sun hasn't set._

_Rachel and Jennifer are with Coop and I pull out onto the street behind them. We head down the road down the old Gulley Bridge and that's when everything takes a turn for the worse._

_Cooper must have lost control of his car because I see him swerve from one side to the other, before he breaks through the bridge railing, sending the car over the side and into the river._

_I act on pure instinct. Dialing 911 from my cell to report it, I can't just stand and wait. I dive in the water and am grateful that I can still see – if this had been at night, things may have turned out much worse._

_All three had lost consciousness from the impact at some point and I manage to help the three out of the submerged car. Help arrives soon and the three are transported to the hospital._

_I'm soaked and shocked at the events of the past thirty minutes. Mom and Dad rush to the hospital to see me and I assure them I'm okay._

_I stay at the hospital until Jennifer, Cooper and Rachel are stabilized. Rachel had been in the worst shape of the three but they finally managed to stabilize her condition._

_The police are calling me a hero, but I don't feel like one…if anything, if Rachel had been in my car, she wouldn't have gone through this at all…she'd been safe. That thought strikes me the hardest- she seemed like a nice girl and I couldn't see beyond my own grief over my lost relationship…I had quickly dismissed even spending more time with her and if I had just agreed to hang out with them, even for an hour, maybe it wouldn't have happened like this._

_I know I can't think of things like that now…but it creeps back into my mind. One decision can change the whole course of your life._

_I visit Rachel daily to check on her and after a week, she's finally released from the hospital. I have gotten to know her a little better and she seems very sweet. I think maybe I shouldn't have discounted the opportunity to get to know her better._

_Haley's gone and she's not coming back – Rachel is here and genuinely wants to spend time with me…so why not?_


	11. Chapter 11

I roll over and am met with the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes, staring right at me. I can't help but smile.

"Hi," I say softly.

"Hi," Nathan whispers, taking my hand and kissing it.

If he hadn't here beside me I would have sworn last night was a dream; it had included some of the most intense and passionate lovemaking of our entire relationship. Everything had been absolutely perfect or at least it seemed that way at the time…the reality of the situation, however, was far from perfect.

"Where's Brooke?" I ask looking around.

Nathan shook his head replying, "I guess she didn't come home…which is probably a good thing, all things considered."

I give him a half smile and rub my eyes. The clock reads that it's 4:00AM.

"I'm glad you stayed," I say quietly, looking down. Nathan reaches out and lifts my chin to make me look at him.

"Did you think that I would just run out on you? After what happened?"

I shook my head, "I don't think so, no, I don't know. Nathan, things are so different. Last week you couldn't even stand to be in the room with me…and now--- this."

"Listen, I know things are complicated, I realize that…we can't figure everything out in one night either…I just know that I can't regret what happened here tonight."

"Neither can I," I said as relief washes over me to hear him say that.

Nathan's expression falters for just a second "…but I also don't know what it means either, I mean…in terms of 'us."

I look at him, confused. "Wait, what?"

Nathan closes his eyes. "I know we got carried away and I will admit again that I don't regret it…but Haley, this doesn't fix us either. There's too much to work through to just smooth it over by sleeping together again."

I sit up, wrapping the bed sheet around me, suddenly feeling too exposed. "What does that mean? In terms of 'us,' what do you want, Nathan?"

Nathan sighed, "Haley, I don't know yet…"

"Well, I do – I want us to be together."

Nathan closed his eyes. "I just need time to think on some things, alright? I – this, I had no idea this would happen…I wasn't planning for this to happen...at all…at least not so soon…"

"I've been back for a while now, Nathan…it's not really that 'soon," Haley said, stunned by his admission.

"It is for me," Nathan replied and sits up on the side of the bed, putting his head in his hands. "I don't think that you fully understand what happened to me when you left, Haley. You completely wrecked me – you shook my faith in everything I knew and trusted."

Haley sighed, closing her eyes, "Nathan, I do know that…I've made mistakes and I've been paying for them ever since."

"We got an annulment, Haley," Nathan said. "We ended our marriage and it was like ripping open old wounds to see you again. So, now that everything was kicked into high gear again, I just need some time to figure things out."

Nathan stood up, grabbing his clothes from the floor.

I sat there, tears stinging behind her eyes. He had sparked a new fire - I was hurt and angry. Whether I was justified in my feelings, I couldn't deny them.

"Well, you take time to figure out what you want – better yet, just go back to Rachel, whatever you have to do, but I won't be _used_ like that again," I was really lashing out now.

Nathan felt like he'd been slapped in the face. He stopped and turned around to face me.

"I never slept with Rachel."

I do an absolute double take. This news truly shocks me and he can see my shock evident in my expression.

Nathan laughs in spite of himself, "for the longest time, I couldn't figure it out…why couldn't I just become the old 'f&^% and run' Nathan who slept around? For some reason, I just couldn't do it. Even after the annulment, when Rachel and I started dating, I just couldn't bring myself to go there with her. Then, I figured it out – it was because of you. You're the only person I want in my life, in my heart and in my bed, so don't think for one second that I could ever _use_ you for sex. What we have goes so much deeper than anything I can even describe..."

I sit there, tears stinging my eyes and falling down my cheeks.

"If it were so simple to just love you, then we would be together. There would be no question…but it's more complicated and I think you know that. I love you, I will always love you…I just can't trust you." Nathan took a shaky breath and just watched me. I think he probably really expects me to lose it now.

I sit there completely silent. I'm stunned but in a way, I can't blame him for how he feels. Why should he trust me? I left him and agreed to void our marriage. I don't try to argue with him; I guess it was pretty naïve to think we could just erase the past with one night of good, okay great, sex. Nathan's right - it doesn't fix what's wrong with us.

I clear my throat, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes.

"Well, Nathan…I suppose there's nothing really left to say…at least not right now."

He dresses in silence and I avoid looking at him. I can't change how he feels about this, I can't beg him to stay. He has to work things out in his own way on his own time…but that doesn't stop it from breaking my heart all over again in the process.

Nathan takes one last look at me, before opening the bedroom door.

I turn over, crying into my pillow as I hear the front door open and close.

I must have fallen asleep again because I wake up hearing the door ppen and close.

"Haley! Did you leave the door unlocked? That's so not safe and I really don't need to come home to find you murdered and our place burglarized," Brooke said as she approaches the bedroom.

She's quiet for a second when she notices my clothes strewn across the floor - I'm a neat freak so that's not a regular occurrence for me.

"Hi," I say quietly.

"Tutor Girl! Looks like you had an interesting evening," Brooke said, her eyes shining. She pushes me to scoot over so she can sit down on the edge of my bed. "I want details!"

"Brooke, can I at least get dressed first?" I ask.

Brooke jumps up, "okay, but don't think you're getting out of this-- I just knew something was going to happen when he came over...that's why I made sure to stay out all night."

"Where were you anyway?"

"Lucas' place," Brooke grinned, walking into the bathroom while I changed. "Who knew just making out could be so fun? Although, I'd say you clearly had even more fun."

"Yeah, if you count Nathan waking up and telling me he doesn't know he wants and leaving," I said.

"Ugh! Boys are infuriating," Brooke exclaimed. "He so knows what he wants, that's a cop-out. He's just being ridiculous now--"

"No, he's really confused, Brooke...and who can blame him? I mean, he hated my guts until a few days ago."

"He never hated your guts. He's just too macho to admit when he's hurt, so he acts like a jerk to everyone and unfortunately, you got the brunt of it."

"Well maybe so, but that doesn't erase the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend last night."

"OHH!!!" Brooke practically squealed. "This is perfect!!"

I can't help but roll my eyes. "This is so far from perfect, it's not even funny...what are you talking about?"

"Rach-ho! She's as good as kicked to the curb now!" Brooke exclaimed happily. "Trust me, once Nathan dumps her ass, the last thing she will want to do is stay on the squad and have to see him everyday...see, we both win!"

I shake my head in disbelief, "I'm having a crisis here with my ex-husband and his girlfriend and you're still worried about the damn cheerleading squad?!"

"Tutor-Girl, you are so not having a crisis...everything that's happened...it is a good thing, all around. I promise - just give Nathan a little bit of time to process everything...boys can only handle minimal major occurrences at a time. He's probably just thinking of the best way to let Rachel down easy."

I shook my head. Maybe...but from here on out, one thing was certain. Nothing would be easy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Nathan's P.O.V.**

I left Haley's in a daze. I drove to the beach house to sit on the docks to watch the sunrise, just trying to clear my head. Things had been bad and I had just made them worse.

Finally, I head back to the house and park on the street. It's around 6AM and I'm try to slip into the house and up the stairs before anyone can see me.

"Son!"

Too late…

I turn around in the hallway to see the angry face of my father staring back at me.

"Where have you been?"

"What does it matter?" I ask quickly.

"Don't take that tone with me, Nathan," Dan replies sternly. "You know the rules around here…I was lax with you before and look where it got us: stealing school buses, hit-and-run accidents, racecar accidents…clearly, you're not as mature as I once thought."

I cringe at his words. He's not exactly saying anything that isn't true. I just wasn't used to the rules and the constant scrutiny of my whereabouts. In the past, Dan Scott had saved all of his scrutiny for my basketball technique.

"I was out with some friends…I promise, I wasn't racing cars or wrecking cars or anything like that, alright?"

Dan was clearly more worried about another alternative.

"You were with her weren't you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

I roll my eyes, turning to head toward the stairs again. "I gotta go."

Dan follows me out of the hallway. "I'm telling you son, watch your step. She's manipulative and calculating…you don't know what she's capable of."

I roll my eyes again but my back is turned so Dan can't see my expression. He's become a whole new level of paranoid since the dealership fire and with good reason. Dan Scott has a lot of enemies and a lot of people who wouldn't exactly miss him if he were gone.

I jog up the stairs, ignoring the rest of his comment. I am confused enough as it is.

Sleeping with Haley complicated everything a hundred times over and I know that my leaving her just made things worse. I would never want her to feel used, but I know that my behavior has made her feel that way.

I try to figure out the best way to talk to her about it. I decide I will go find her later this afternoon…but I make a decision that I cannot go back to that apartment. It's just too much temptation. She and I will have to meet in a neutral and public place. No matter what, I **could not** lose control like that again.

**Haley's P.O.V.**

"So was Nathan happy to see that his little 'pain stain' was part of our decor?" Brooke smirked, referring to the wall mural consisting of my picture covered in paint.

I cringe, "he saw it, but didn't say a word…that was just one conversation best left unspoken."

Brooke shrugged, "oh well…are you going to go find him later?"

I look at her, "why would I do that? He's the one who left…I'm not going to go chasing after him."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "you two are hopeless. Just talk to him Hales. Tell him how you feel."

"Brooke, he knows how I feel. That doesn't change anything. He told me that he loves me but he can't trust me," I said defeated.

Brooke's mouth gapes open. For the first time, she doesn't know how to respond…because for once in her life, she is witnessing a situation in which there is no 'quick fix.'

"Oh…well, it will just take time then, he'll come around," Brooke says, putting the lid on the breadbox and making her sandwich.

I nod, there's nothing more to say. It's just an endless cycle. I have literally done all that I can here – it's now up to Nathan and if or when the time will come for him to trust me again.

"I'd still love to be a fly on the wall when Nathan has to be see Rachel after he cheated on her," Brooke grins, taking a bite of her sandwich.

I shake my head. I don't share her enthusiasm nor do I share her amusement…Nathan cheating on his girlfriend with me should never have been a scenario; he should never have had a girlfriend in the first place because he and I should never have separated. If I had never left, we'd still be married and the notion of girlfriends and boyfriends would merely be a thing of the past.

That just goes to show how skewed things had truly become.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town –

**Nathan's P.O.V.**

I was lifting weights in my room when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said, putting the barbell down.

"Hi honey," my mom said with a smile, cracking the door open.

"Hey mom," I said, trying to smile.

"I guess you had a late night last night," she hinted.

"Uh, yeah…I had some things to take care of," I replied, lying back on the bench with another weight in place.

"I'm worried about you Nathan," she said quietly, coming closer and further into the room. "You never smile, you're out all hours of the night, you never want to talk– you just don't seem happy. It doesn't even seem as though basketball makes you happy anymore."

I lift the weights, thankful for the distraction so she doesn't see my expression.

"I'm fine Mom…there's just a lot of stuff going on."

"I know…and I know it's gotten harder since Haley came back."

I put the weight down and sat up on the bench.

"Mom, if you're really so concerned with my happiness, then answer this: why are we still here…with _him_?"

Deb recoiled at the question and lowered her voice. "Nathan, I know things are difficult, but believe me when I say this really is temporary."

"Yeah, I know…you said that already," I said wryly. "You said we were getting out…this doesn't feel like getting out to me."

"After your father's accident, he's needed someone to take care of him—"

"—The accident was months ago, Mom…and yet we're still here. I had thought things would be different when I got back from High Flyers but nothing's changed," I said bitterly.

"Just give me a bit more time, Nathan…I promise, things will be better."

"Yeah, whatever," I scoffed, putting another weight on the bench.

I was done worrying about all of it – I knew that I needed to get out of this myself, with or without my mother.

I had emancipated myself before so I know I could this. I could be independent again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Nathan's P.O.V. **

I had gone for a swim, showered and changed when I heard the doorbell.

I went downstairs, realizing my parents were gone and opened the door to see Rachel standing there.

"Hi," I said quickly. I was worried she would almost be able to see that I had cheated on her.

"Hey stud," she grinned, before leaning in to kiss me.

On instinct, I smiled and turned so that her kiss hit my cheek. She pulled back to look at me with a confused expression.

I turned around and walked toward the doorway, "come on in."

Rachel shut the door behind her and followed me down the hallway into the kitchen.

"So, where are your parents?" she asks.

"Uh, not sure really. They were here earlier and I guess they left while I was upstairs."

Rachel took a step toward me, wrapping her arms around my neck, "so you're telling me, we have the whole house all to ourselves."

I half smile, my brain struggling to find some sort of excuse as quickly as possible to get us both out of there.

"Uh, yeah I guess you could say that…but I was actually on my way out," I explain quickly.

"So, change your plans," Rachel says seductively.

"I uh, I can't, Rach, I'm sorry, I need to go help Karen – at the cafe," I reply. I know I sound like an idiot but she caught me really off guard.

I had planned it all out – I planned to stop by Karen's Café to meet up with Haley. I knew she was working this afternoon and thought maybe I could catch her on a break to talk about everything.

Rachel looked at me confused, "oh, really, Karen? You're helping Karen?"

"Yes, she needed some boxes moved and I uh, I told her I would help out."

Rachel smiled, "okay, well in that case. I'll just come with you then…I haven't eaten lunch yet."

I blew out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding – this situation was not going the way I needed it to.

"Uh, Rachel, maybe you and I can just meet up afterwards?"

"Don't be silly, I don't mind going…in fact, I'd love to go with you…I'll even drive…If you're not going to seduce me in your parents' big empty house, the least you can do is buy me lunch, right?" Rachel winked.

She was out the front door and down the walk, heading to her Denali before I could even respond.

I closed my eyes, cursing myself internally and followed her out to her car.

**Haley's P.O.V.**

The afternoon rush was just settling down and I was getting the last of three tables cleaned.

"You doing alright Haley?" Karen asked from her place behind the counter, watering plants.

"Yep, I got it," I smiled.

This part of my life was actually a source of comfort – when I came to back to work for Karen, it was like stepping back into my former life, before things had gotten so complicated -- that and the fact it kept my mind off Nathan.

Just then, the bell above the door jingled.

"I'll be right with you," I called over my shoulder, not looking at the patrons as I wiped the table clean with a rag.

I turned a second later to see that the 'patrons' I had just greeted were none other than Rachel and Nathan.

"Hi Nathan," Karen said from the counter.

"Uh, hey!" Nathan said, eager to see Karen and quickly made his way to the counter.

"Hi Haley," Rachel said, her tone an even mix of boredom and annoyance.

"Hi Rachel," I said, politely.

I could see that Nathan was speaking to Karen in a quiet voice and she clearly looked confused.

I was filled with anger and frustration – how could he bring his girlfriend to my place of work, especially after walking out on me this morning?! He knew that I would be here on Saturday – I worked every Saturday! I did my best to keep it in check but I could feel that this work shift was about to feel so much longer than normal.

Unbeknownst to me at the time –

"Karen, how's it going?" Nathan said, rushing up to the counter.

"Good, how are you Nathan?" Karen replied with a smile.

"Alright—listen, I came here to help with boxes…the ones you mentioned before," Nathan said with a pleading look.

Karen furrowed her brow, "boxes?"

"Yeah, I need to run in the back with you to help you with those heavy boxes," Nathan's eyebrows lifted and he tried to gesture toward Rachel with his eyes.

Karen was utterly confused, "um…okay, follow me."

She clearly knew something was going on but had no real idea. The two headed to the stockroom.

"So, are you two here for lunch?" I ask, confused as I watch Nathan follow Karen to the stockroom.

Rachel shrugged, "Yeah, he needed to help Karen and then he was going to treat me to lunch…what's good here?"

I showed her to the nearest table and handed her a menu. "Depends on what you like – we have good salads and soups – but we also have entrees as well."

Rachel looked over the menu. "I'll just have a water," she said, not looking up.

I nodded as I made my way back to the counter. I could hear hushed voices in the stockroom.

I walked toward the partially open door to hear a little better. I couldn't help it the curiosity had taken over!

"Nathan, please don't play games with her," I could hear Karen's muffled voice.

"Karen, I promise you that I'm not playing games," Nathan replied.

"Well, you should just go back out there now…I will see that she gets this," Karen said.

"Thanks Karen, I appreciate it," Nathan said.

I jumped away from the stockroom door and within seconds, the two of them were coming back out.

"Hey Haley," Nathan said, rushing past me and over to the booth.

I just gave Karen a confused look and she only shrugged and half smiled.

"I'm supposed to give you this," she said, her voice above a whisper, handing me a folded note before walking back out to greet a new customer who had just come in.

I shook my head, opening the folded paper:

_**Hales, **_

**_I came here to talk to you – clearly now, I won't be able to…meet me at the Rivercourt after your shift._**

_**Nathan**_

I folded the paper, slipping it into my pocket and took Rachel's water back with me.

I set the water down on the table as I asked if they had been able to look over the menu. Rachel still couldn't be bothered to look up from the menu as Nathan gave me a warm smile as he ordered his meal.

"Uh, I don't know – nothing really sounds good to me," Rachel said. "Maybe just a side salad with fat-free balsamic on the side…gotta watch my figure," Rachel said as she winked at Nathan.

I just took the menus and walked back up to the counter to put in their orders.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. I went from being the wife to the 'other woman.'

After last night, for Nathan to bring Rachel to the café, it just didn't make sense. Was he still so bitter that he would do this just to hurt me?

It was certainly clear that Nathan hadn't told Rachel about us and he obviously hadn't broken up with her.

Maybe we can talk after my shift and I can get some answers…because right now, I just don't know what to think.


	14. Chapter 14

**Haley's P.O.V.**

I could see Nathan was already at the Rivercourt when I got there a little after 6pm.

"Hey," he said, shooting the basketball through the hoop.

"Hey," I reply, walking over to the picnic table and sitting down as he follows me.

"Thanks for coming, I thought we should talk," Nathan said, after a moment.

"I just don't know what to say or even to think at this point, Nathan," I say and I can feel Nathan's eyes on me as I look at the ground.

"--About earlier—" Nathan starts to say, "I'm really sorry."

"About which part? Leaving me at my apartment or bringing your girlfriend to the café?" I ask and he cringes.

"Both, I guess," he says after a minute. "I panicked this morning and I bailed– I needed some time to clear my head…everything happened so fast…and when I tried to get away to see you at the café, Rachel showed up and insisted on coming with me…"

"Are you going to stay with her?" I ask finally.

"I don't know," he sighs and I can feel the tears stinging my eyes.

"Why don't you know? I mean, either you want to be with her or you don't, right?" I ask him.

"It's not that simple, Haley," Nathan said with a tone of impatience.

"Okay, then explain it to me," I say getting impatient myself.

"Rachel cares about me, she's been there for me, alright? It's hard to just turn your back on someone when they've helped you through a rough time…" Nathan says in a huff.

I sigh and close my eyes, very frustrated now. "--then just go be with her. I don't know what else to say anymore, Nathan. I really don't. I know that I left you – I went on tour, I broke your trust…but if you can't forgive me and if you don't see a future for us, then I need to move on…but either way, I can't be strung along. I don't deserve it and frankly, neither does Rachel."

"I know," Nathan said.

**Nathan's P.O.V.**

I clasped my hands together leaning my head down, trying to gather my thoughts. I am so overwhelmed with emotions – part of me wanted to scream at her, show my anger and resentment for being left behind…and the other part of me wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go…but I did neither. I just sat there.

"Well, this resolved nothing," Haley speaks up, making a move to stand up.

"Please – just sit here with me for a moment," I say, never taking my head from my hands. Just her presence is a comfort – even to a pain she caused.

Haley takes a deep breath and sits back down beside me.

"I'm so confused, Haley," I say, sighing and looking up to meet her gaze. "This is so hard for me…part of me looks for ways to be around you and another part of me just wants to find the right words to hurt you, the way you hurt me."

Haley closes her eyes, trying not to start crying.

"…for me to still feel that way just tells me that I'm not over what happened," I admit aloud.

"Last night confused a lot of things for both of us…I'm attracted to you and I let that get in the way and pretty much take over so I apologize…because it did lead you into thinking I'm ready for 'us' again…and I'm just – not."

Haley just watches me silently, willing me to finish saying what I need to say.

"I know we will have to see each other more this year because of basketball and cheerleading – but maybe it's good that we'll have other things to focus on. I'll focus on playing and you can focus on cheering or your music…just something other than me."

"So, where does that leave us, Nathan?" Haley asks me, tears glistening on her cheeks.

"For now, that leaves us as classmates and maybe even someday, _friends_," I say, cringing inwardly as I even use the word.

Friend is not the word I could really use to describe my relationship with Haley—it's certainly not the limit of my feelings…but I have to work things out on my own without being unfair to her…

"I don't want to hurt you but I don't want to give you false hope either."

Haley's eyebrows lift at that, "false hope? Wow…so, you really don't see a future for us…do you?"

"Haley, I can't answer that right now…" I say frustrated. "…I know that I love you…but love shouldn't hurt this much…"

"Maybe you're right. It really shouldn't," Haley says jumping up from the picnic bench and running away. I don't even try to stop her. I just sit there and put my head in my hands, wishing there was a way to make all of this go away

…but I can't.


End file.
